What is Kink And Bondage or BDSM? One of the things that freaks people out the most when it comes to these terms, is the glaring lack of misinformation, the assumptions or simply a lack of knowledge. We, as humans, generally reject or other things that we don’t fully understand. So one of the first things we need to do within this guide is to clearly set it out.
Kink and Bondage Play
Here are some of the most important things you need to remember when it comes to kink and BDSM play.
1. Kink Play Is Primarily About The Element Of Control Rather Than Anything Else
When we think of kink, we often think of a woman being placed over a table and being whipped and beaten with a whip by her male partner. Her hands are tied behind her back and she’s screaming out in pain.
Let’s break down this image right away.
- Firstly, this image naturally assumes that the woman is the submissive position. We’ll explore submission and types of dominant roles in kink in a later page. Women are not always submissive. Nor are they always the ones being ‘beaten’.
- Secondly, we assume that the screaming out in pain is a negative element of this scene. We neglect to realise that some people would find pleasure in the pain.
- Lastly, we don’t break this down to the bare basic of what’s actually occurring. We see the above image, and the above description. What we don’t see is the simplicity. That this is an individual, surrendering control of themselves and body to another person
This surrender, is explicitly consensual.
At first glance, to an outsider, BDSM play often has the look that it’s being abusive. And that it’s being carried out by cold hearted psychopaths that enjoy dishing out pain.
This is grossly incorrect. This woman in this scenario, has the full power and authority to withdraw consent at any moment. Anyone in a loving, healthy and practised kink relationship will obey that consent. To give up control of yourself in this way, is actually incredibly sensual and speaks volumes about a relationship.
Trusting in someone to take control, and to give control is simply amazing. So if you’re sitting there thinking about the enjoyment that you get when you’re being spanked, blindfolded or handcuffed. And you’ve never considered why you might enjoy that as much as you do, consider the element of control and surrender.
2. You Can Always Say No
We mentioned in briefly in point number one, but it needs to be absolutely explicit.
BDSM and kink play is explicitly consensual for EVERYONE involved. There’s often an idea that once you start something, that you have to finish it – this is incorrect. Many people are apprehensive about giving up their autonomy and power. Because they feel that they’re not going to get it back. This is perfectly okay.
BDSM and Kink play rely on trust. Sometimes when you’re first exploring your secret fetishes and trying things out, you’re going to be a little apprehensive. That’s why relationships featuring BDSM are often much healthier than vanilla’s because of the need for communication and openness. BDSM and kink, is not about being hurt against your will. It’s about consenting to the lack of control and everything associated with that for your particular kink or fetish.
3. BDSM or Kink Doesn’t Always Feature Sex
This one might blow your mind. How can anyone endure all that pain, and suffering if they don’t even get one off?
Here’s the thing – BDSM isn’t always about Orgasms, Erections, and sex. BDSM is more in tune with something like therapy, meditation.
This whole idea of letting go is a form of escapism, to explore, to try, to discover new things. It’s a place and a world where you can explore and push the boundaries, explore emotions and even fantasies. Overall, it’s actually incredibly sensual with eroticism thrown in. Your body actually, from scientific research, reacts really well to BDSM and Kink. Elements of fear and danger, get the adrenal glands going which ultimately floods our body with epinephrine and endorphins. Not only are these the body’s natural pain killers, but they have similar effects to opioids in how they make us feel – giving us feelings of calm, relaxation and general wellbeing.