Here we’ll explore the Art Of Submission, the motivations behind people submitting to others, as well as some important things that you need to remember about submissives. One of the most important things to remember is that many people assume that a sub has little, to no power. This is grossly incorrect and often spouted by people not familiar with the kink lifestyle. Or a dominant that is out of line and not necessarily in it for the right reasons.
With this in mind, it is important to remember that a submissive doesn’t have to compromise themselves in order to be a better submissive. A submissive willingly concedes their power. It is not forced from them nor is that lack of control to be abused. A sub holds the power within such a relationship because their lack of control and power is freely given.
If a sub is not comfortable, if they feel in danger, or if an element of play is detrimental to their health or wellbeing, then a sub has the power to stop the play, scene or situation with the use of a safe word. This safe word is the power within that arrangement. Use of a safe word indicates that a scene stops immediately and the current kink arrangement ends immediately.
There are many reasons as to why a person might use a safe word and not all of them are negative. We’ll explore the use and power of a safe word along with ethics and safety in bondage play in a later article.
Art Of Submission In Kink And Fetish Play
For now, we’ll go through the four primary kinds of Submission in BDSM play and practices. Whilst we present to you these four types, we’re not setting this out as some kind of explicit and final manual. We are just stating that these four submissive types are generally what all other types are mixed from.
Physical Masochism
This is the one that’s in all the movies. When you think of submission – this is the type that more readily springs to mind. This is a desire to receive physical pain from the top. It’s about sensation and physical play and it’s primarily done to receive an endorphin/adrenalin rush. This is actually a pretty common cycle that occurs in the BDSM lifestyle and Scene. A top inflicts pain, the bottom receives the pain and the overload of pain triggers the brains release of endorphins and provides a sensual satisfaction.
Psychological Masochism
This is very similar to physical, but occurs more in the brain and headspace of a dominant. It might include, but not be limited to belittling from the top, humiliation, degradation, or discipline. On the lower end, it might involve pup play and human pet play. Or role play scenes all the way to baby play and being used as furniture. A bottom experiences similar reactions and body responses to physical masochism, as emotional pain produces physical reactions.
Servitude
Specifically this refers to the desire for service and it will come into play when a sub wants to provide services for and to the top. It is a selfless desire as the bottoms only receipt from this is the ability to serve. This can cover anything that would be deemed the role of a servant, from cooking, to making the bed. Or to sexually serving the top through oral play, or even being used as a sex toy. Satisfaction from servitude comes from seeing the top being made happy and feeling useful in a task well done.
Obedience
This sees the desire as being only for the tops desire. That being, whatever the top or dominant needs, the submissive will do. A desire for being controlled overrides all other desires. This may be within the bedroom, or extend to all aspects of their life.
These are the four main motivations behind the mind of a submissive. A sub will take pleasure in one of these, or multiple motivations. Puppy play, Chastity play might be motivated by servitude and psychological masochism. Or a sub slave might be motivated by obedience, servitude and when they make a mistake they might enjoy physical masochism. Motivations are limitless and are completely individual and unique to each person.
This is why communication is essential between the submissive and the dominant. Each have their own reasons for being there, and for engaging within a BDSM or Kink relationship. It’s important that these underlying needs are met. Else there might be resentment that builds within the relationship and a lack of control or understanding of what’s actually happening might occur.
As you can see, a kink or BDSM relationship isn’t simple. It’s a unique and profound consensual arrangement between two individuals that ebbs, flows, and grows over time.